herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Randomize
