you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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