His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
