So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
