i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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