Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
