Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize