I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
