somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
