Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
