Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
