apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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