Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
