I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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