margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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