Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
