Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i will never coherently bang her
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
