porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
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