mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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