remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
