you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Enjoy the penises
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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