I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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