Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
