is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
