i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
