Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
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My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
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Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Ladies don't puke and tell
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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