Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
