im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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