I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
