I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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