I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize