i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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