morning after pill = breakfast in bed
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
