I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
