I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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