Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
