ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
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Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
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I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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