you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
And then he peed in my hair
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