Im at strip club and am horny
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
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her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
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As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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