No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
