All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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