dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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