You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
