the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
