Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
