His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
