I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
