Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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