Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
