Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
