shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Randomize
