Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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