the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
