There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I see more hoeing in ur future
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