can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
