i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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