Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
