I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
