he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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