You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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