You're completely useless in the revolution.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
