He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
