Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
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