Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
