I am puke
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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