I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
