I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
