arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
