he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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