So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
