turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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