He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
