mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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