First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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