Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
