All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
