either way he was missing a nipple.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
