maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
